Serial Monogamy For Quilters
I am currently in a funk with the quilt I’ve been working on for six months. Our Relationship began last October at the IQF show in Houston with the kernel of an idea and became a Committed Relationship a month later in November when I began to work on it. But he was thought of long before Houston.
I’ve decided that I have a Love Relationship with the quilts I make. Like any Relationship, it’s unique. I create the quilts and once I’m done, I send them off into the world on their own and break off the Relationship. They may compete, go to a friend or relative or charitable cause, whatever seems best for them. But once they’re done, I’m off in search for another. And I have not worked two major quilts simultaneously yet, so that’s why I think of myself as a Serial Monogamist to my quilts.
I’ve been told that there are 4 stages of marriage. If you are actually trained in psychiatry, you’ll probably get a laugh from my interpretation of the predictable stages of marriage. There is Delight, Discovery, Despair and Delight again.
We’re all familiar with that euphoric first stage of Delight: the world is beautiful, your Beloved can do no wrong, the future is bright and exciting. What on earth could possibly go wrong with such a Perfect Union??
Then Discovery happens. You begin to know your Beloved at a deeper level, you find some pleasant and unpleasant surprises along the way, you encounter difficulties but you are confident that you can change them (if you are female) or that you can just ignore the problem (if you are male):-/
Now Despair arrives. The very thing that Delighted you earlier becomes abhorent, annoying, debilitating, restricting, disgusting, controlling, frightening-hmmm-these adjectives come easily!
And, if you stick with it, Delight comes back! The very thing you found annoying (etc.) becomes Delightful again. You see the flip side of that trait as positive again. What was formerly “cheapskate” now becomes “manages money well” or “embarrasses me at parties” becomes “life of the party”.
So here I am, deep into the Despair stage with my black and white whole cloth quilt. He doesn’t even have a name yet. I really, really want to name him.
He emerged from my love of the plantings in my yard. I have some beautiful drought tolerant plantings in my yard and I adore them. They are full of personality. The grasses move with the slightest of wind, the succulents bloom at inappropriate times-much to my Delight. There’s a huge variety of texture. Leaf shapes run the gamut from spiky to soft and bulbous.
It’s not a “sweet” setting-there are boulders and clay-ridden soil, a difficult slope and annoying, unpredictable pockets of water that well up from underground. I live in an area where the soil is essentially a mere veneer over granite-there are underground water paths that I can’t see.
In partnership with my landscaper/artist, a beautiful yard was created that thrives in this challenging environment. I appreciate it every day-the texture, the intertwining of plants, the shapes, the colors, the beauty, the movement, the sounds.
So, my quilt is to pay homage to that beauty. Great idea. We had a grand old time working through Delight and Discovery.
But now we’re in the Despair stage. I’ve worked really hard. I’m sure I have spent well over 10 hours ripping out stitches-so far. I struggle with design anyway, and this quilt is all about design. After 6 months of work, I am at a critical stage and I realize-this quilt really could fail.
I’ve seen “failed” work in show many times. It’s good enough to show, but you can see that it failed in one way or another: color, design, technical issues, quilting. If you talk to the maker, they will describe their vision. Many times it seems that they were so consumed by their vision that basic design principals were lost. I don’t want to be one of Those People!
I have a deadline that I want to make. I am at a crossroads of design right now. I must move forward and make decisions. Once I finish, he will compete (hopefully) and the rest of the world will weigh in on what they think of him.
But by then I will have already gone off to seek the next Great Quilt, on to another Relationship in a life of Serial Monogamy.
BTW, I don’t run my private life this way-I married a Good One 29 years ago:-)
I feel your pain. Sometimes I plow ahead with a doomed project out of sheer stubbornness plus a what do I have to lose feeling. If all else fails I cut the mostly finished project up and combine it with something else. If nothing else, the postmortem as to what went wrong helps my future work. But I think I’m more of a “what the hey” quilter than you are. Which is why you do lovely quilting and I don’t. You have standards. BTW, it’s interesting that you refer to your project as “he.”
Actually Joanna, I too tend to just plow ahead-hence 10 hrs of ripping so far! I’m cautious on this one just because I’ve been working it for 6 months! And my quilt has to be a “he” or the Serial Monogamist analogy doesn’t hold up:-)
Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. I enjoyed this post SO much. Just fun!
You continually amaze me with the inspiration you bring to your blogs as well as the information you share. This blog showed another side, your playfulness.
Thank you for pure entertainment today.
I am glad you enjoyed it Bobbi! Thank you for your words of encouragement.
I’m at the, “I can’t commit to a quilt” phase, I want to make a quilt for our Cal-king bed a but I am struggling. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that ripping out is ok.
Oh YES-ripping is okay! My design sense is not well developed and I sometimes just have to rip. Cal-King-wow, that’s a bigun!!
Wow! Such a “heavy” post!! But one that I can relate to so well. Although you are a self-declared “Serial Monogomist), now might be the time to go for a “trial separation”….a time where space and time will clear your thinking and restore(?) a titch of the objectivity/creativity that you had when embarking on the developing relationship. I give you permission to walk away for a while. It’s ok, really! Step back and view all the possibilities that are ‘out there’. You aren’t being disloyal, just gaining/regaining perspective. Hugs, Doreen
THANK YOU! I’m actually going to Santa Fe for the Studio Art Quilt Assoc conference Wed-Sun; just what the doctor ordered!
Read this aloud to my “Good One” of 51 years! We appreciate the wisdom expressed which can be applied to more than quilting. He is the “stick to it no matter what” guy and I’m the “rarely gets it done” girl. Hmmmm….. Will this marriage work! LOL
Can’t wait to hear/see the outcome of your relationship.
Oh how funny-guess opposites do attract-for 51 years no less!! I’ll show later what I end up with-I have no idea what I’ll get.
I agree with Doreen. Sometimes we need a short vacation from the one we love. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. It also can give us a new perspective. I like your analogy to a marriage. When we spend some time with our girlfriends, most of whom listen without criticism, suggestions or solutions; we gain a new perspective on the guy we love. Fold ‘him’ up and put ‘him’ out of sight for awhile. When you look at ‘him’ again you’ll see something new and wonderful. If Mack and I had been under each others feet for every day of our 52 years together we wouldn’t appreciate and love each other like we do.
Oh I love your comment Helen! Yes, we need time away from each other-I agree. I’ll be in Santa Fe for the next 5 days and I hope I have a new perspective when I return.
Great post! I’m anything but a serial monogamist. A little of that ought to rub of on me. However, I have been married 37 years, so monogamy is in me and I just need to bring it out and apply some of it to those ufo’s! I say, some of it. I agree; there are projects that one really does need to step back from. The answer to finishing those simply hasn’t been learned yet.
We all work differently Laura-I almost have to finish one before another, given my small sewing space. Congratulations on 37 years! You seem to get A LOT done to me!
Glad you ended with the “happily married” remark — I would feel so bad for you if all of your former romantic partners “went off to your friends and family members” after you broke up! :-)
There is no such thing as failure in art. It’s all about the journey, the discovery, and the process. Paul Gauguin said that all art is either plagiarism or revolution. Well, you can’t have a revolution without a little pain and suffering along the way! Hang in there; I can’t wait to see what you’re working on once you’re ready to share it.
I agree Rebecca, sigh! It’s just that I’ve worked on it so hard and it still might not work. I do love, love the process though!
I love the parallels you’ve drawn. I always fall in a with mine at the beginning, then fall out of love during the middle, then fall back in love after binding. Well, sometimes I never fall back in love with them, but those can be gifted or donated!
Funny how that works, huh Kelly? I know I really do hit that “Despise” point on every major quilt. There is a lot of mundane work in even the most spectacular quilt.
I love yor blog – you are a wonderful writer and this certainly made me smile! Have fun in Santa Fe.
Thanks Suzanne-that is encouraging to me! I expect to have a great time and be inspired here.